result for The Brutally Honest Personality Test ...

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-brutally-honest-personality-test

Ahh... the sweet serenity. The utter perfection of all creation. The wondrous beauty of nature. The sweet sparrow singing along in the great orchestra we all call lief... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? You're the type of person people always love to mock because they don't believe there is anyone ACTUALLY like you.

Do realise that you ostracise people with your behavior or is it all subconscious? You're so quit and reserved, it's almost impossible to get to know you well, and when someone finally does, all you want to talk about is grace and beauty and harmony!

Ugh. Sure, you "genuinely care for others" and all that rubbish, but when it boils right down to the basics you take life far too seriously.

Throughout the entire test, I bet you were searching for "further clarification and hidden meaning" so that you might improve your pitiful life. And woe and behold if it betrayed your intense values system!

You need to STOP smelling the daisies. Believe or not, logic does have  a place in this world... imbecile.

Is it me, or does this actually sound like a quote form my boyfriend, who would say all this just because he would be concerned about my sanity as much as I would be?! Most likely it sounds like him, because sometimes he is the voice of reason in my head!!   

not a conversation with him.

("Get a life you moron") 

("I will!")

("When?!")

("I'm slowly getting there!")

("Why slowly, are we waiting for something?! Anyone?!  ANYTHING?!")

("Stop being a bitch, it's hard as it is!")

("What's so hard, you are not even living!!")

("I am ashamed of my flaws and as an alcoholic's shame for not being able to stop drinking makes him drink again to forget his addiction, I am ashamed of what I can't do and what I am not sure about and that puts me even more off trying to brake the damned circle of doing nothing and being nothing!!")

("?!...")

Now I feel like stretching the hours. 

Goodbyes seem to get harder, but hellos more pleasant 

For crying out loud!!!!!

I seem to have a dilemma on my mind now. NOT really sure how to get around it so I would feel good about myself.

I mentioned I have finished reading a series of books and I have seen all the movies I want to. And I have no desire for any more, but now I have nothing to do. I feel like I would have a hole in my self-consciousness and it is fucking me into nothingness and I really don't like that!!! 

There seems to be people that are not bothered about any of that, but suppose they don't expect a grand piano in their lounge later in life just because they can afford one, while I kiiiiiiiinda really would like one. 

So it is all bout expectations you have for yourself, isn't it? I think I only have dreams, no plan what so ever how am I gonna make them happen and sometimes I am not sure even if I have a dream, besides the fact that it will be so cool that I will have enough resources for a  large enough space for a grand piano and for a grand piano itself. 

Stephenie Meyer wrote her Twilight saga when she was bored from nursing her 3 kids at home. She just wrote down a rather long dream of hers and look where it got her... Hollywood, best selling author, a couple of millions in her bank account! Suppose this is like the best illustration that it is not that hard to dream and actually do something useful (for our bank account) without going out doors.... 

I might still like to go out doors though, but one thing that is on the agenda for my life in the nearest future is to figure out what I want to do with it and where to get motivation for it.

State of bliss I get from lifting the screen and getting a perfect print, but the thingy here is that the screens in my creative space are extremely empty. That is the part that worries me. The blank screens of my mind and the confusing blindness I have felt into. Used to be able to write about feeling sexy in an elevator, where did that skill of mine go?! The vacation it took is rather too long!

AND this is the third or more post where I am just bitching about poor me and shit, so this has to stop first, so no more dwelling on me weeping! 

("Post-it for your self, you moron")

("I will, I will! Don't be so pushy!")

!@£$%^&*()(*&^%$£@£$%^&*()(*&^%$£@£$%^&*(

Most adored arrogance, thanks Brano. Love this one!

It was about "taking a bullet" last... no last shit, just a day ago! 

It was a necessary kick in the ass to makes us better! Better organized, better prepared, better artists and people all together.

WE decided that the show is gonna kick ass BIG time.

Well as it is with me, my quick ideas some times are really brilliant, but just because they come in the last moment, or quite late, some times (most times) they fall through without manifesting in reality... and that hurts every single time, wounds my ego massively. I've got to recover my ego as if it would have been down with pneumonia for months. That is very time consuming.

See - I don't handle rejection very well! That I noticed just today.

Being a smart (and arrogant, but not pushy about it), shy, charming, beautiful girl with an inconspicuous, but inviting cleavage that most definitely is a pearl in my decolte, usually provides me with what I want. 

And just a few moments ago an e-mail that in one point said "bad news" ruined my whole day, though it wasn't THAT brilliant to begin with!

But this year I have a friend here. Someone that I can rely on, since my man is a little bit further away for me to use his shirt as a napkin for my salty tears in this point in time (well I am exaggerating in every way, but the feeling that I have him (meaning the last person) altogether makes me feel better.)

As my optimism about Kicking ass was flushed down the drain... an 11 minute talk to this exotic person, who wasn't feeling that brilliant himself, got me back on my feet. Maybe because we are in this shit together and we will crawl our way up on a steep wall if we need it to get this show as brilliant as we can. Another week down on the deadlines, that is terrifying, but suppose less time to come up with something will actually force me to be in motion, not only body, but those brain cells as well. 

tune in on Giulia y los Tellarini "Barcelona" and something else optimistic and hyper, even better if you don't have any idea what that is about, so you could project your own translation to fool yourself further on!!!!

Snapping out of it!

Have you ever been shot at?! Sorry if you have, sorry about that, lots of pain I presume!

Well today I kinda understood in action what the metaphor meant.  Well I suppose it wasn't that bad, if not for the constant burning in the area of my cheeks while I was standing in the front of my course.

I was just wondering what on Earth have I've been doing for the past few weeks (month to be honest, but let's not go there). 

I have drowned myself in books. Nothing that would have raised my IQ or anything else besides my absolute desire for cheap teen fiction romance.

Four and a half think books in a week. Non stop reading, page after page.

I lived from them. Not sure I ate or slept for that week.

It took me some days to mend myself. I started to eat again and sleep. But I can't say I feel fresh. But I am getting better, recovering... To be the right way to say that.

After the last page was turned and there was an interesting hole in my consciousness I thought that I need fill it up and do something to keep it filled so I wouldn't repeat my running away and drowning sorrows in books like that. I was thinking how to put in words what I would like to do with my life. I found an explanation that sounds pretty convincing in my head, but even said out loud to myself it kinda looses it's sense!! 

The closest I could get was that I would like to be something like bridge between various things in an industry that is so high up in my understanding that I have zero ideas how to get even remotely close. I would like to be a bridge and I stick to that.

When I make it I'm gonna post a picture for you here.

Till then... I am screenprinting Chuck from Gossip Girl onto a wall paper for my biggest project this year and for the exhibit in May!

All of you are very welcomed!